Goldman Doesn’t Want Mercenaries

Disclosure, I used to work at Goldman Sachs Group Inc., and I would like nothing better than to tell you that it is an invaluable credential and an elite club. I’d love to tell you that every year the best and most accomplished 22-year-olds in the world graduate from college and enroll in finishing school at Goldman, that they spend a few years there learning the secrets of finance and power and handshakefulness and then go on to leading positions in investing and industry and government and academia and professional sports and writing financial newsletters. I’d love to tell you that these opportunities are so good, the training so comprehensive and the alumni network so powerful that Goldman could charge tuition for its two-year educational program, and that the fact that it instead pays those 22-year-olds a nice stipend is simply generous on Goldman’s part, a kind gesture to win the love and loyalty of the young people that it will soon send off into the world.

I would love to tell you those things specifically because if Goldman is a super-high-status credential, and I worked there, then that means I am super-high-status, which is nice for me. Gotta keep up the value of the brand. “Disclosure, I used to work at Goldman,” I type, and I want you to think “ooh, he worked at Goldman, his newsletter must be correct on all points and I should invite him aboard my yacht.”